Think of the people who live in your street. Think of the people you work with. Think of the parents waiting to pick up their kids in the playground. How many of them do you think have experienced domestic violence, or are currently experiencing it? Based on statistics, it’s very likely that quite a few have / are.
Here are some figures to get you started:
- 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence at some point of their life
- 2 women every week in the UK are killed by their current or a former partner
- Domestic violence accounts for 16-25% of reported crime in the UK
Quite shocking statistics aren’t they, but even though an incident is reported to the police every minute, over half of incidents go unreported.
Victims often keep quiet, even when they are out of an abusive relationship, and they do so for many different reasons. They might:
- feel they are to blame for the assault
- still be in love with their partner and not want them to be criticised or face the consequences
- feel ashamed
- feel it was a one off
- be scared that if they speak up the violence will get worse
Domestic violence doesn’t just mean beating someone up – there are several different types of abuse, including physical, emotional, psychological and economic. The UK Government define it as:
“Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.”
Domestic violence is made up of many different actions, such as harrassment, criminal damage, false imprisonment and assault which are categorised as crimes, however elements of emotional abuse, are not but can be just as devastating for the victims.
If there are children associated with the victim, then whether or not they are directly abused, they will certainly feel the effects of it. Over 750,000 children are witness to domestic violence every year and the link between domestic violence and child physical abuse is very high with 70% of children living in UK refuges having been abused by their father.
There are also physical and mental consequences to abuse beyond the obvious. Women often suffer chronic health problems, depression, eating problems and anxiety. Almost £2million each year is spent on treating these consequences. The overall costs are much higher. In 2001, domestic violence in England and Wales was reported to cost £23billion.
All of these figures are simply too high. Your home should be the safest place in the world, a place you can be assured will be where you are protected, kept from harm. For far too many women and children this isn’t the case.
Another frightening statistic is that 1 in 5 young men and 1 in 10 young women believe that violence against women is acceptable. This is unbelievable. Violence of this nature, against anybody is unacceptable.
The abusers will often blame the victims and the victims will often believe it is their fault. It is categorically NOT. The abuser is responsible for their actions. Blaming the victims is part of the abuse. Drugs and alcohol are often ‘blamed’ for violence, but there are many addicts that don’t use violence at all. Therefore these things are not directly responsible for the violence, though the abuser will need help with this problem too. Likewise mental health issues do not necessarily cause domestic violence. Certain mental health problems do cause sufferers to act abusively, usually to other people as well as within a domestic setting. Obviously there are some types of mental health issues, such as paranoid schizophrenia (we’ll get onto schizophrenia in a later post – there’s a lot to talk about and many myths to dispel), where their illness may make them victimise one person, which may be expressed as domestic violence and again they need help with this.
Whatever the ’cause’ doesn’t make it any easier for the victim of domestic violence and nor is it a reason not to get out. If there is another underlying problem, this can be worked on and sorted whilst everyone is in a safe place.
So what can be done? There are some great organisations out their who offer lots of advice to people in a violent relationship, or know someone whos is. One of these is Women’s Aid a national charity that deals with domestic violence. It influences policy, raises awareness and educates and it provides links direct to those who need it, such as helplines and projects including refuges and help centres up and down the country. They have also created an indepth ‘Survivor’s Handbook’ containing useful information on topics like legal rights, helping children, keeping safe and surviving domestic violence.
One way we can help is by helping Women’s Aid, and other similar organisations, directly with donations of money, goods or time. Click here for more information on how you can make a difference.
The other important way to tackle this problem is to TALK ABOUT it. Start changing attitudes (remember the 1 in 5 young men and 1 in 10 young women who think this violence is acceptable?) Don’t shy away from the subject, if you think a friend is suffering then TALK TO THEM. It can be done in non threatening, and supportive ways, but open communication channels. Educate children so they grow up knowing violence is wrong and most importantly that if they find themselves as a victim, it is not their fault and they need to TALK TO SOMEONE about it, and to get out of the situation.
This isn’t going to go away no matter how hard we find it to accept, how uncomfortable it makes us feel. Out of sight might be out of mind, but then bring let’s bring it into view.
I’ve never experienced any form of domestic violence, for which I’m very grateful; I know my home is a safe place to be. Maybe that’s why I’m so bothered about it. As I’ve never experienced it first hand, I’m not going to be arrogant enough to say to someone in the middle of it – ‘just get out, it’s not your fault, leave’ – I understand that it’s complex, that there is a lot more to every individual situation – though it would be better to be out of the situation, at a safe distance. It’s a scary situation to be in for anyone. That’s why we all need friends, a support network, even a stranger we can rely on at a refuge or at the end of a phonecall. This is why it’s so important to talk about it. A problem shared really is easier to manage.
Whether you are a victim, know someone who might be, or are just concerned about these horrifying statistics, the very least we can do is TALK.
SocialVibe